The European Rightly
March 22nd, 2019
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

US voters believe North Korea to be a hoax

April 18th, 2013

According to a survey carried out by Public Policy Polling, over 60% of the US voters is convinced that the People’s Republic of North Korea does not exist. Kim Jong-un’s regime has reacted with disappointment.

Is Barack Obama perpetrating the hoax that North Korea exists?

The Asian country has been invented by the Antichrist, Americans believe, in order to allow secretive power elites to engage in a worldwide nuclear war and establish a New World Order. This belief is distributed almost evenly among Republicans, Democrats and Independents.

Unsurprisingly, 37% of American voters believe that this extraterrestrial Antichrist is none other than their sitting president, Barack Obama. 22% indicated that Hollywood enfant terrible Mel Gibson is the one to blame for the North Korean hoax. Over 75% of the people who think Michael Jackson is still alive, representing 15% of all voters, claimed that the deceased King of Pop is somehow behind the idea of North Korea.

Regardless of the apparent doubt among the American public whether the country actually exists, President Obama should not worry about losing voters over war with North Korea. Should it come to blows, over 81% is in favour of attacking, as it would ‘serve those Muslims right for having driven planes into the WTC and the Pentagon in 2001’. 11% believed that the 9/11 events dated from 2002.

Democrat voters apparently expect Hillary Clinton to become the leader of the Satanic New World Order, whereas Republicans think that shock-rocker Marilyn Manson (42%) or Playboy mogul Hugh Heffner (25%) will emerge as the new Antichrist. In case Mexicans or Muslims would be allowed to be part of the New World Order parliament, then 54% of the US voters would consider leaving planet Earth.

Barack Obama’s refusal to comment the survey outcomes gave rise to further speculation among voters, provoking the number of American refuting the existence of North Korea to rise to an astonishing 73%.

Democrats bet on Hillary Clinton as New World Order leader, while Republicans bank on Marilyn Manson

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has declared he is disappointed with the American public and has announced that his country is to give a convincing demonstration of its existence.

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