The European Rightly
February 21st, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

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Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

March 5th, 2016

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Jan Jambon
Interior Minister Jan Jambon: 'Centralising all European penile casts would be a big blow to Islamist terrorism.'

The Belgian government will not include fingerprints in the biometric information on citizens’ electronic ID cards. ‘That would penetrate the private sphere too deeply,’ admits Interior Minister Jan Jambon (N-VA). ‘So, we opted for the less invasive penile print. Only would-be citizens, such as asylum seekers and fugitives, are obliged to provide them.’

State Secretary for Asylum Theo Francken (N-VA) hopes penile prints will help police to identify perpetrators more quickly in case of sexual harassment. ‘That is, when and if the perpetrators are asylum seekers,’ concedes Francken. ‘We will also use the penile casts as teaching material to illustrate how men should treat women in Western Europe.’

Jan Jambon dreams of a centralised European database of penile prints. ‘That’d be a big blow to Islamist terrorism,’ he hopes. ‘All those penile casts together would be a funny sight, wouldn’t you agree?’

Critics warn third parties will gain access to sensitive information, such as length, diameter and shape of men’s blue-veined pillars. ‘Oh well, if you don’t insert your willy somewhere without asking first, you have got nothing to hide,’ Jambon argues.

Minister Jambon:
‘If you don’t insert your willy somewhere without asking first, you have got nothing to hide’

Ordinary Belgian citizens can request their municipal government to take a penile print and include it on their eID card. ‘For a small fee, a picture of your penis can even replace the standard photograph,’ Jambon announces.

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