The European Rightly
March 29th, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

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The EU Rightly
July 24th, 2014

‘Real Men’ are absolute twats, it has emerged

Researchers from the University of Oxford have recently concluded a three-year study on masculinity. It confirmed their hypothesis that ‘Real Men’ are dimwitted idiots.

Lifestyle, Society, Sport | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

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June 4th, 2014

Last Eurodance survivor dies in Romania

Authorities have confirmed that the last known eurodance victim, Sorin Popescu, died last night in a hospital in Bucharest, aged 26. Eurodance was a dangerous infection that ravaged Europe in the 1990s.

Lifestyle, Society | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 30th, 2014

Finland debuts retirement homes with built-in suicide mechanism

Claiming it will revolutionise care for the elderly, Finnish company Ulosteet has opened the first home for the elderly with built-in suicide mechanisms. Ulosteet claims they are ‘quick and completely painless.’

Lifestyle, Society, Technology | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
January 10th, 2014

Spain building Great Recession theme park

In a new theme park, Spanish children will be able to explore bad debt, collaterals and coked-out stock trading floors. It will serve as a recognition of the Great Recession’s contribution to modern Spanish life.

Business, Lifestyle, Showbizz | 1 Comment | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
June 14th, 2013

Price-fixing scandal rocks Big Kebab

The European Commission has accused the kebab industry, which has franchises in nearly every major city, of making price agreements that violate European anti-trust laws.

Lifestyle, Politics | 2 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
April 30th, 2013

Whores welcome first Dutch king in century

Willem-Alexander, the Netherlands’ new king, will start whoring around as soon as possible. ‘Dutch prostitutes can get their hands on a royal cock again,’ the king promised in his inauguration speech.

Lifestyle, Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
April 12th, 2013

Britons ugliest Europeans, claims study

In a new Eurostat study, 8,500 participants ranked anonymous pictures of European people according to attractiveness. For both sexes, Britons came last. Do they carry the burden of ethnic isolation and incest?

Lifestyle | 18 Comments | Continue reading ...