The European Rightly
November 23rd, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

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mkx
August 14th, 2014

Mortal Kombat X to introduce ‘Banality’

The brutal fighting game infamous for its bloody ‘Fatalities’ – special moves at the end of a duel to kill the opponent in gruesome ways – will introduce the ‘Banality’ for its tenth installment, reflecting the middle-aged concerns of its characters.

Showbizz, Technology | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
January 10th, 2014

Spain building Great Recession theme park

In a new theme park, Spanish children will be able to explore bad debt, collaterals and coked-out stock trading floors. It will serve as a recognition of the Great Recession’s contribution to modern Spanish life.

Business, Lifestyle, Showbizz | 1 Comment | Continue reading ...

Kim Kardashian
May 16th, 2013

Kim Kardashian reveals double lobotomy

American socialite Kim Kardashian has revealed she has undergone a double preventive lobotomy to reduce her risk of saying something stupid. She has gone public with the news to raise awareness.

Showbizz | 5 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 15th, 2013

Celebs condemn Angelina’s plastic surgery

World famous celebrities criticise Angelina Jolie for revealing her double mastectomy. ‘We don’t care she wanted to prevent cancer. It’s still plastic surgery and you simply do not talk about that.’

Showbizz | 4 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 15th, 2013

Eastern Europe drops ‘Spandex Curtain’

Eastern European countries have shied away from their usual extravagance and boldness. Their innovative combination of depressing eurodance and unusual English led to Eurovision’s revitalisation in the 2000s.

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The EU Rightly
May 13th, 2013

Scandinavia to form MegaZord at Eurovision

Come May 18 at the grand finals in Malmö, the Scandinavians are once again gearing up for a tour de force. Their bloc voting will produce the Nordic MegaZord once more, with Sweden at the centre.

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The EU Rightly
May 9th, 2013

Belgium symptomatic for West’s decline

Egon Spengler has famously claimed the ‘decline of the West’. That prediction has come true through the Eurovision Song Contest: western European countries have atrocious track records, and Belgium’s leading.

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The EU Rightly
May 8th, 2013

Why on earth is Spain still in Eurovision?

Eurovision Song Contest expert Andrew Miller wonders why Spain always sends forgettable, middle-of-the-road productions. ‘It’s like they don’t even want to win. Why are they still participating at all?’

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The EU Rightly
May 8th, 2013

Avril Lavigne still alive after lost decade

Canadian singer Avril Lavigne has been found alive 10 years after she went missing. Her desperate cries for attention and frantic phone calls to showbizz bloggers eventually led to the woman’s rescue.

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The EU Rightly
May 7th, 2013

‘Eurovision was my sexual awakening’

May 18th will mark the 58th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. Many political greats across Europe have shared their fondest memories about the contest with us. ‘It’s all about power and oppression.’

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