The European Rightly
January 23rd, 2019
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

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Flat tyre halts withdrawal N Korean missiles

May 8th, 2013

North Korea has tried to withdraw two mobile ballistic missiles from a launch site. A flat tyre has prevented the regime to complete the withdrawal. No-one within the country was able to repair the damage.

North Korea's missiles in better times. Right now, their transporters are stalled on a godforsaken mountain pass.

Once again, North Korea has failed to hold true to its promises. During a fraught period last month, the Stalinist country threatened to launch two missiles against its many enemies. The weapons were believed to be untested Musudans, with a maximum range of 3,500 kilometers (2,175 miles). April 15th, the anniversary of the birth of North Korea’s founder, was seen as the likely date around which a launch could take place. To everyone’s disappointment, nothing really happened.

Yesterday, President Barack Obama was due to meet his South Korean counterpart, Park Geun-hye. A God-given opportunity to launch those damn missiles, one would think. Still, nothing happened. Boredom within the international community has since risen to alarming levels. Will North Korea ever be able to distinguish between rhetoric and reality?

Eventually, the news surfaced that North Korea had withdrawn the two missiles from their launch site in the eastern part of the country. ‘They have been sent to a storage facility,’ an American official complained.

But did they ever arrive there? No, they did not. Reportedly, the missiles never reached their target because one of the transporter erector launcher vehicles ran a flat tyre. Because of the narrow North Korean roads, both missiles are now stalled on a godforsaken mountain pass.

Engineers were not able to replace the tyre, for spare tyres are considered perverse extravagances typical of Western capitalism. Since the missiles and all of the auxiliary equipment are of a ‘highly experimental’ nature, no-one seemed to know how to repair the damaged tyre. Moreover, mistakes are not forgiven lightly within the North Korean hierarchy.

It is expected the regime will intensify its nuclear threats in order to get the transporter erector launcher repaired and moving again. ‘We hope to be rewarded for our provocative behaviour‘, Kim Jong-un humbly announced. ‘Surely, Japan can send us one single repairman if we threaten to annihilate its shore with hellfire and eternal doom?’

Kim Jong-un:
‘Surely, Japan can send us a repairman if we threaten to annihilate its shore with hellfire?’

‘It’s very difficult to make judgments about the North Koreans’ next step,’ Daniel Russel, White House special assistant and senior director for Asian affairs, says. ‘The provocation cycle could go up, down, sideways or straight into a time-bending quantum state. All humanity has to be prepared for even more devastating silliness coming from the Korean Peninsula.’

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