The European Rightly
October 20th, 2020

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

FYROM considering more awkward name

June 7th, 2013

The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (FYROM) is tired of the awkward name the UN forced it to adopt in 1993. The Balkan nation is pondering a namechange to something even more uncomfortable.

Nikola Gruevski, Prime Minister: 'We want to force the world to finally tackle this issue.'

The landlocked country in southern Europe would officially like to call itself the Republic of Macedonia, but Greece is against that. Dimitris Avramopoulos, the minister of foreign affairs: ‘Macedonia is already the name of a Greek province. It is also the birthplace of Alexander the Great. The entity that calls itself Macedonia has claims to neither.’

Many international organisations have given in to Greek pressure and call the country FYROM. ‘We have protested against this humiliating treatment for years, to no avail,’ says Prime Minister Nikola Gruevski. ‘So it is time for us to get creative and force the international community to finally tackle the issue.’

A special committee of professors, lawmakers and intellectuals was called together in the capital of Skopje to discuss the matter. They considered several alternatives. ‘Our aim was to make mentioning our country as awkward and confusing as possible, without specifically offending any other nation,’ says sociologist Ljubčo Gosev. The committee produced a shortlist from which the General Assembly will choose a name.

Contenders on the list include ‘My Impotence’, ‘My Dirty Underpants’, ‘Empire of Porn’ and ‘Your Mum’. One can imagine how these names would cause embarrassment. ‘It’s cheeky, absolutely,’ admits Gosev. ‘Imagine a foreign dignitary having to announce a new bilateral trade agreement with the Empire of Porn.’

The professor is personally most partial to Your Mum. ‘It’s very flexible. Nations in the UEFA European Championship will be defeated 2-0 by Your Mum. Travel guides will speak of Your Mum as a mountainous nation of 25,000 square kilometres, or people will be forced to say that they went to Your Mum and saw all the tourist attractions.’

Trajko Miladinov, leader of the opposition, is against the plan. ‘This could backfire horribly. What if the name sticks and people will end up liking it? Saying to friends in Serbia or Bulgaria that I live in My Dirty Underpants, for instance, will make the joke not about Greece’s inflexible stance on the matter, but ours.’

The namechange first has to pass in the General Assembly, however. In addition, it will not be accepted anyway if it’s up to Greece. ‘It’s another version of the same old story,’ sighs Avramopoulos, ‘Porn is a Greek word – you can’t just usurp that and claim it as yours. Also, we invented the underpants, and we have a whole lot to say about mothers, too. Greece will not stand for this.’

Ljubčo Gosev:
‘Imagine a foreign dignitary announcing an agreement with the Empire of Porn’

But how about My Impotence? ‘That would be workable,’ muses Avramopoulos. ‘My Impotence is essentially Latin, so it’s not our problem. I would gladly welcome My Impotance, in fact.’


2 Comments | RSS

  1. Macedonians reserve the right to keep as Greek as possible, the identity-characteristics of their Haemus-Hellenic ancestors.

    Nick the Greek on 13 Jul 2014 at 00:14
  2. Macedonia:The West, Pseudo-Historical Revisionism and The FYRoM Question.

    Integrating FYRoM into the West is not impossible. What is impossible is integrating FYRoM’s national history and ethnogensis story into the Western worlds long-established cultural-historical narrative. In that narrative Macedon is ancient-Greek Kingdom and Macedonians are Centum Greek-speaking Hellenic-peoples, with affiliation and kinship ties towards Hellenism and other Greeks.

    Accomodating FYRoM into the West under the name ‘Republic of Macedonia’ is impossible on that basis, it would mean the rewriting of history. History cannot support two versions of the Macedonia story, one Pseudo and Slavic and the other one, Mainstream and Hellenic. The Western-worlds cultural-historical narrative cannot support the FYRoM version of the Macedonia story on that basis.

    Nobody of worth in the West, from politics, the diplomatic world, or from academia, sees FYRoM like Macedonia or ex-Yugoslavians like Macedonians. The West sees FYRoM for what it really is…a minor Slavic country recently established, 1991.

    Evidently, FYRoM overestimated it’s importance whilst the West underestimated minor Slavic country’s resolve to cause damage to West’s cultural-historical foundation. FYRoM pseudo-historical revisionism based on anti-Hellenic, anti-Western theories, Ideas and conjectures, contribute towards the incremental erosion of Western Civil Societies common understandings of shared common heritage, the very fabric from which the West wove it’s cloth, the glue that binds Western democratic adherence towards common Civilizational Principles.

    Erode the Western worlds cultural-historical narrative. Erode the Wests cultural-heritage. Erode Western Civil Societies common understandings of shared common heritage…now sit back and watch the Western worlds cultural-foundation crumble. Western Civilization under attack from FYRoM style pseudo-historical revisionism, allied towards anti-Hellenic, anti-Western theories, Ideas, and conjectures, all combined together to badmouth Greece in general and the West in particular.

    In light of this, FYRoM cannot integrate into the Western world easily. The UN, EU, USA, NATO and the International Academic Community place the Onus of FYRoM to compromise, to find proper more suitable name for Country-Name…Sovereign Sate-Name, Nationality, Language and Ethnicity.

    Nick the Greek on 07 Sep 2014 at 22:59