The European Rightly
October 20th, 2020

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Germany: ‘It’s been 70 years now. Get over it’

March 7th, 2013

German Minister of Foreign Affairs Guido Westerwelle has expressed his frustration with the prevailing image of Germany abroad. ‘World War II happened 70 years ago. People really need to give it a rest.’

Mr Westerwelle 'especially' blames the British for keeping Hitler's spectre alive.

Westerwelle’s remark came in an interview on the evening news of one of Germany’s biggest television channels, ZDF. The interview initially discussed the ongoing financial crisis in Southern Europe. When the topic turned to the negative image Germany now has in countries such as Greece and Italy, Mr Westerwelle snapped.

‘Look, I’ve seen the images too, you know. All these people shouting how we are Nazis for imposing fiscal discipline – which, mind you, is a European demand and not a German one – or using pictures of Mrs Merkel with Hitler moustaches drawn on them. I mean, are these people serious? World War II happened like 70 years ago. Get over it already.’

When the flustered news reporter asked whether Mr Westerwelle was underestimating the gravity of World War II’s impact on Europe, he got even angrier. ‘Of course not. The war was terrible! But considering some Italian politicians still think Mussolini had ‘great ideas‘ and that Greece is facing far-right problems of their own, it would be wiser not to draw hysterical parallels like that.’

Mr Westerwelle added that he blames the British ‘especially’ for keeping Hitler’s spectre alive and well. ‘If our foreign friends are desperate to mock us, let them mock our Bratwurst or Lederhosen or something. At least those things are actually still relevant.’

It’s the first time a senior member of government has directly addressed Germany’s embarrassing image problem abroad. Online, Mr Westerwelle’s remarks stirred the waves quite a bit. ‘As someone from Bavaria, I take pride in my Lederhosen, thank you very much,’ said one man. ‘I won’t have some dour Prussian dictate others that Bavaria is okay to mock.’

Weekly Der Spiegel launched a survey to ask Germans what they would rather be stereotyped as. ‘Stereotyping others is a beloved European pastime,’ said Editor-in-Chief Georg Mascotto, ‘and as good European citizens, it’s a tradition we should respect. However, we’re curious to find out what stereotypes we’re okay with, so that we know for sure when something is appropriate and when it’s not.’

Guido Westerwelle:
‘If they’re so desperate to mock us, why not Lederhosen or something’

When asked if the problem could not simply be that Germans as a whole do not put much stock in humour and being light-hearted, Mr Mascotto reacted surprised: ‘I think that if you come to Germany or work with German people, you will find they can be very funny. I mean, I had a good laugh the other week when someone told a joke.’

When prompted, Mr Mascotto unfortunately could not recall the joke in question.


1 Comment | RSS

  1. 70 years?

    Oh my.

    First of all, we haven’t gotten over that war from 99 years ago, as we still spend money dealing with the ammo in the ground here.

    And second of all, We already had a German tell us that “we changed, we’re friendly now”.. That was in 35 and his name was Von Ribbentrop. That turned out just lovely.

    Don't mention ze War on 22 Apr 2013 at 16:56