The European Rightly
July 28th, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

February 25th, 2016

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Tieten-emoji
The new reactions should make people's intentions more clear.

Social network site Facebook has replaced the traditional ‘like’ button with six Reactions that cover the whole spectrum of feelings, going from joy over anger to ‘show me your tits’, which is the most common emotion, according to numerous studies.

‘A major improvement,’ says Nicolas (38). ‘Last week, I liked a post about an acquaintance who had died. It appeared as if I was sympathizing, but no, I really did not like that person. Those kinds of misunderstandings are history. Now, I can simply push the ‘Haha’ button!’

‘Very clever improvement, Mr Zuckerberg,’ agrees Edmund (42). ‘Yesterday, a friend posted some bullshit about her vegan diet. It wasn’t exactly funny, but I wanted to have a look at her tits. With a miserable ‘Like’ my intentions wouldn’t have been clear, but now, there’s now arguing about it.’

Mark (41) is relieved as well. ‘This new button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ he says. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier. The only problem is that Facebook shuts down the accounts of the women who willingly post a picture of their bare breasts. That’s a weird bug they have to take care of.’

Edmund:
‘I wanted to have a look at a friend’s tits. With a miserable ‘Like’ my intentions wouldn’t have been clear’

Some feminists are crying with outrage. ‘Sexism!’ they shout. ‘Why are women banned from showing their tits on Facebook?’ Flemish MP Gwendolyn Rutten (Open Vld) wrote in a Facebook post that got widely distributed. 61,984 people clicked the ‘Show me your tits’ button.

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