The European Rightly
November 28th, 2020

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Last Eurodance survivor dies in Romania

June 4th, 2014

Authorities have confirmed that the last known eurodance victim, Sorin Popescu, died last night in a hospital in Bucharest, aged 26. Eurodance was a dangerous infection that ravaged Europe in the 1990s.

Sorin Popescu, a few months before his death, already in the terminal stages of Eurodance.

Sorin Popescu was diagnosed with Eurodance in 1997, when the disease was already receding all over Europe save for a few isolated pockets. His parents had discovered him rhythmically bobbing his head to pulsating synthesized sounds. Soon after, he was put into solitary confinement.

Eurodance originated in the late 1980s in the Low Countries and spread to the United Kingdom and Germany soon, leaving many casualties in its wake. Common symptoms included insomnia, degenerated speech, a craving for illicit substances and involuntarily spastic movements.

Especially teenagers were susceptible to the disease. Although most eventually got cured and were able to live their adult lives normally, statistics estimate that Eurodance killed some 3,000 people across the continent, making it the deadliest epidemic since the Spanish Influenza in 1919.

‘Mr. Popescu was a rare case,’ says Antonin Kovacs, the doctor that treated him for many years, ‘but we could not afford another breakout of the disease.’ Indeed, after the fall of the Iron Curtain, the populations of Central and Eastern Europe seemed especially susceptible to the hard-hitting virus.

Paranoia about the disease eventually even reached Russia, but after Eurodance tapered off in the late ’90s, it produced a few less dangerous hybrid strains that acted as successful vaccinations against it.

‘Statistics estimate Eurodance killed some 3,000 people across the continent’

‘It’s a tragic loss, and one that we should have been able to prevent. Luckily, a more diverse culture and music landscape is also a good insulation against Eurodance, and modern-day Romania has plenty of that to offer,’ says doctor Kovacs.