The European Rightly
June 20th, 2019
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Spain building Great Recession theme park

January 10th, 2014

In a new theme park, Spanish children will be able to explore bad debt, collaterals and coked-out stock trading floors. It will serve as a recognition of the Great Recession’s contribution to modern Spanish life.

Attractions will include the Foreclosed House, the Middle Class Crusher and the Minimum Wage Restaurant.

Theme park specialist Palmavision plans to open the amusement park in late 2014 near the city of Sevilla. CEO of the park, Dolores Mendoza, is excited: ‘Recessionland will be the ultimate blend between entertainment, education and shock, a true one-of-a-kind experience.’

Palmavision remains tight-lipped about Recessionland’s eventual size, but has distributed several pieces of concept art for attractions. These include the Foreclosed House, complete with screams of families getting murdered by husbands with worthless stock portfolios, and Middle Class Crusher, a centrifuge that pushes visitors to the edges of the platform.

Dolores Mendoza: ‘Recessionland will not be for the faint of heart or the easily spooked, but we will offer plenty of areas to relax as well. Visitors can get their pictures taken with corrupt bankers, eat at the Minimum Wage Restaurant or can throw pies at limp technocrats.’

The park will not utilise euros. Instead, visitors will have to buy bad debt vouchers to get around. Mendoza insists these will be genuine articles: ‘It has to be a complete immersion. Visitors must believe they’re actually experiencing a full recession.’

Palmavision is especially counting on well-off families from northern and western Europe as well as the United States to come and visit their theme park.

Dolores Mendoza:
‘It has to be a complete immersion. Visitors must believe they’re actually experiencing a full recession’

Unconfirmed rumours state that if Recessionland is successful, the concept could be tweaked for Greece or Portugal, two other countries with a proud tradition of unemployment and crony capitalism.

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1 Comment | RSS


  1. Don’t forget the Look at the Monkey Gibraltar Distraction Attraction !


    dr_gonzo on 10 Jan 2014 at 12:11

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