The European Rightly
February 21st, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

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The EU Rightly
July 24th, 2014

‘Real Men’ are absolute twats, it has emerged

Researchers from the University of Oxford have recently concluded a three-year study on masculinity. It confirmed their hypothesis that ‘Real Men’ are dimwitted idiots.

Lifestyle, Society, Sport | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
June 30th, 2014

Homecoming FIFA football players ritually sacrificed in Spain, England, other countries

As is tradition, losing national squads returning from the FIFA World Cup, are being ritually sacrificed. The Spanish national team has met a grisly end in torture chambers, while the English squad was burnt to the stake.

Society | 1 Comment | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 14th, 2013

Elites think austerity beneficial for the poor

With austerity measures likely to be put in place in Slovenia, Europe’s elites demand a pro-active approach across the entire continent, especially for the middle and working classes.

Business, Politics | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 8th, 2013

Why on earth is Spain still in Eurovision?

Eurovision Song Contest expert Andrew Miller wonders why Spain always sends forgettable, middle-of-the-road productions. ‘It’s like they don’t even want to win. Why are they still participating at all?’

Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 7th, 2013

‘Eurovision was my sexual awakening’

May 18th will mark the 58th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. Many political greats across Europe have shared their fondest memories about the contest with us. ‘It’s all about power and oppression.’

Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
April 12th, 2013

Britons ugliest Europeans, claims study

In a new Eurostat study, 8,500 participants ranked anonymous pictures of European people according to attractiveness. For both sexes, Britons came last. Do they carry the burden of ethnic isolation and incest?

Lifestyle | 18 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
April 3rd, 2013

PSG next winner of UEFA Champions League

UEFA president Michel Platini has announced that French football club Paris Saint Germain (PSG) will be the next winner of the UEFA Champions League. ‘It is only fair that a French team would win this year.’

Sport | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
March 18th, 2013

Chelyabinsk meteor was actually Depardieu

The investigation into the apparent meteor that exploded over the Russian city of Chelyabinsk has yielded astonishing results. Research indicates that the exploded mass was likely the actor GĂ©rard Depardieu.

Environment, Science, Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...