The European Rightly
May 29th, 2017
⋅ HEADLINES ⋅

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Archives

mkx
August 14th, 2014

Mortal Kombat X to introduce ‘Banality’

The brutal fighting game infamous for its bloody ‘Fatalities’ – special moves at the end of a duel to kill the opponent in gruesome ways – will introduce the ‘Banality’ for its tenth installment, reflecting the middle-aged concerns of its characters.

Showbizz, Technology | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA
June 4th, 2014

Last Eurodance survivor dies in Romania

Authorities have confirmed that the last known eurodance victim, Sorin Popescu, died last night in a hospital in Bucharest, aged 26. Eurodance was a dangerous infection that ravaged Europe in the 1990s.

Lifestyle, Society | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

roadkill
December 30th, 2013

Germany accidentally crushes Luxembourg

Belgian rangers have stumbled upon the crushed remains of Luxembourg during a routine border exercise. The corpse showed tyre and fender marks of a large German SUV. Germany issued an apology, but claims Luxembourg was accidental roadkill.

Environment, Politics | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 14th, 2013

Elites think austerity beneficial for the poor

With austerity measures likely to be put in place in Slovenia, Europe’s elites demand a pro-active approach across the entire continent, especially for the middle and working classes.

Business, Politics | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 8th, 2013

Why on earth is Spain still in Eurovision?

Eurovision Song Contest expert Andrew Miller wonders why Spain always sends forgettable, middle-of-the-road productions. ‘It’s like they don’t even want to win. Why are they still participating at all?’

Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
May 7th, 2013

‘Eurovision was my sexual awakening’

May 18th will mark the 58th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. Many political greats across Europe have shared their fondest memories about the contest with us. ‘It’s all about power and oppression.’

Showbizz | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
April 22nd, 2013

Rightly launched as Europe-wide news outlet

It is uncommon that a publisher has the ambition to conquer the European continent with one magazine, instead of a portfolio of national magazines. However, ‘The European Rightly’ is precisely that.

Society | 0 Comments | Continue reading ...

The EU Rightly
March 7th, 2013

Germany: ‘It’s been 70 years now. Get over it’

German Minister of Foreign Affairs Guido Westerwelle has expressed his frustration with the prevailing image of Germany abroad. ‘World War II happened 70 years ago. People really need to give it a rest.’

Business, Politics | 1 Comment | Continue reading ...