The European Rightly
June 20th, 2019

Belgium takes penile prints of asylum seekers

Male asylum seekers entering Belgium will have to cede prints of their erectile penis. ‘We admit fingerprints are too intrusive, that’s why we’re taking penile prints’, government officials say.

Men relieved by Facebook’s new ‘Show me your tits’ button

Of the new ‘Reactions’ Facebook has released, the ‘Show me your tits’ button is by far the most popular. ‘This button expresses what 10,000 likes can’t manage,’ men say. ‘It makes life a whole lot easier.’

Whores welcome first Dutch king in century

April 30th, 2013

Willem-Alexander, the Netherlands’ new king, will start whoring around as soon as possible. ‘Dutch prostitutes can get their hands on a royal cock again,’ the king promised in his inauguration speech.

'I am fully conscious of the responsibilities attached to my position,' smiled Willem-Alexander.

After King Willem III died in 1890, the prostitutes of Amsterdam haven’t had the pleasure of taking care of a Dutch king. That’s a pity, because the Dutch sex industry is world-renowned for its class and style. It therefore comes as no surprise that Amsterdam’s sex workers are elated Willem-Alexander has been crowned the first male Dutch monarch in more than a century.

‘I can’t wait to fondle His Majesty’s crown jewels!’ Sabrina (21) exclaims.

Though the Dutch prostitutes very much loved Queen Beatrix, a male monarch is better for business. ‘After a state dinner, a queen doesn’t take her guests to the red-light district,’ points out 34-year old Karin. ‘A king, however, is kind of obliged to show off the best brothels of his country.’

The change in the House of Orange-Nassau gave the prostitutes a moment of celebration as the Dutch sex industry struggles through a lengthy recession brought on by the European economic crisis. Now Queen Beatrix has abdicated, the Dutch not only welcome a new king, but also a new queen: Willem-Alexander’s Argentinian-born wife becomes Queen Maxima. The new royal couple brings a touch of glamour to the bleak country bordering the North Sea.

‘He’s got taste,’ observes Serbian-born Dragoslava (27). ‘I’m glad our new queen is not a frigid nun like Belgium’s Princess Mathilde.’

In his inauguration speech, the new king promised to support and promote the Dutch sex workers. ‘I am fully conscious of the responsibilities attached to my position,’ Willem-Alexander said. ‘I will seek to do full justice to each of those responsibilities. I will take pride in representing our sex industry, and in helping to uncover new opportunities for physical joy. After waiting for more than a century, Dutch prostitutes can get their hands on a royal cock again. I will fornicate under consent of myself.’

Sabrina (21):
‘I can’t wait to fondle His Majesty’s crown jewels!’

In her final speech, Queen Beatrix said that her son is well prepared for the role of King. ‘Your heartwarming and encouraging signs of affection will be much appreciated. You have got a big heart, a pure sense of human relations and formidable stamina,’ Beatrix praised her oldest son.